Albuquerque journal personals

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Maron has been married twice, once to Kimberly Reiss and once to Mishna Wolff , a former standup comedian.

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Both relationships have figured prominently in his act at various times. During numerous appearances at the Edinburgh Fringe festival in , Maron riffed on his then-recent separation and divorce from Wolff. Starting in late , he began making reference to his relationship with director Lynn Shelton. She was a guest on his podcast in both and , and she directed the film Sword of Trust , which stars Maron and Michaela Watkins.

Maron and Shelton were together until Shelton's death in May From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. American comedian, podcaster, writer, and actor. Kimberly Reiss. Mishna Wolff. This section needs expansion. You can help by adding to it.

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April Retrieved September 23, January 5, VH1 via archive. Archived from the original on October 5, Retrieved February 10, The Forward. Retrieved November 10, Retrieved April 23, The Huffington Post. WTF with Marc Maron. Retrieved January 8, Barry Maron".

Albuquerque Journal. CITY Newspaper. Retrieved April 24, Boston University. Accessed October 10, How Jersey do you feel? Marc Maron: I do feel attached to the place. Comic returns to his hometown for one stand-up night". Break Room Live. Check out IMDb's highest-rated movies and TV shows of , most-viewed trailers, top stars, memorable moments, and more! Discover the best of No need to waste time endlessly browsing—here's the entire lineup of new movies and TV shows streaming on Netflix this month. See the full list. Sign In.

Down this week. He grew up in Ruidoso, New Mexico, a small town miles south of Albuquerque, where he first took up acting in the fourth grade. While tagging along with his older brother of Filmography by Job Trailers and Videos. Share this page:. Streaming TV: Renewed and Canceled. Percy Jackson Franchise [Fancast]. Sad tv episodes! TV actors who should do more movies. Do you have a demo reel? Add it to your IMDbPage. How Much Have You Seen?

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Known For. Gone Girl Desi Collings. Starship Troopers Carl Jenkins. Anita pre-production Chad. Spinning Gold post-production Bill Aucoin. Henry Coltrane. Neil Patrick Harris. In the end, this extraordinary family finds ways to connect and freedom to love. Anyone who grew up with a family secret will appreciate the dynamics afoot in this fast-paced and compelling story. Creekmur and Alexander Doty, eds.

From large cities to rural communities, gay men have long been impassioned pioneers as keepers of culture: rescuing and restoring decrepit buildings, revitalizing blighted neighborhoods, saving artifacts and documents of historical significance. D82A3 McCune, Jr.

A personal book, but also wholly universal, Taboo investigates the way one breaks through taboos and becomes a self-realized adult. They Change the Subject Douglas A. AT47 Sustained by a single voice, the stories simultaneously offer a fractured novel and stand, powerfully, on their own. Colombian-born Santiago Martinez starts his adult life as a young gay writer living in Spain. Years later, as a university professor in New York City, Santiago is called back to his native Colombia upon the suicide of his sister.

There he learns some shocking secrets about his childhood and adolescence and comes to the realization that cherished memories of the past are only illusion. Barebacking—when gay men deliberately abandon condoms and embrace unprotected sex—has incited a great deal of shock, outrage, anger, and even disgust, but very little contemplation. But ultimately, it is HIV that animates the controversy around barebacking, and Unlimited Intimacy explores how barebackers think about transmitting the virus—especially the idea that deliberately sharing it establishes a new network of kinship among the infected.

According to Dean, intimacy makes us vulnerable, exposes us to emotional risk, and forces us to drop our psychological barriers. As a committed experiment in intimacy without limits—one that makes those metaphors of intimacy quite literal—barebacking thus says a great deal about how intimacy works. Written with a fierce intelligence and uncompromising nerve, Unlimited Intimacy will prove to be a milestone in our understanding of sexual behavior.

What Do Gay Men Want? The writing is sleek and exhilarating. Are there queer alternatives to psychology for thinking about the inner life of homosexuality? In particular, Halperin champions neglected traditions of queer thought, including both literary and popular discourses, by drawing on the work of well-known figures like Jean Genet and neglected ones like Marcel Jouhandeau. David M. Halperin is W. He explores the career of Bayard Rustin, a civil rights leader and pacifist who was openly gay a generation before almost everyone else; the legacy of radical gay and lesbian liberation; the influence of AIDS activist and writer Larry Kramer; the scapegoating of gays and lesbians by the Christian Right; the gay-gene controversy and the debate over whether people are "born gay"; and the explosion of attention focused on queer families.

He illuminates the historical roots of contemporary debates over identity politics and explains why the gay community has become, over the last decade, such a visible part of American life. More to explore Recently published by academic presses. Results by Title. In this debut collection, Mark Wunderlich creates a central metaphor of the body as anchor for the soul—but it is a body in peril, one set in motion through the landscape of desire. In poems located in New York's summer streets, in the barren snowfields of Wisconsin, and along stretches of Cape Cod's open shoreline, the lover speaks to the beloved in the form of lyrical missives, arguments, and intimate monologues.

The poems converse with each other; images repeat and echo in an effect that is strange and beautiful. Uniting the collection is an original and consistent voice—one that has found a hard won stance against the haphazard and negotiates with what is needful and sufficient. The Anchorage is a collection of love poems for the end of the millennium and takes as its subjects the dichotomies of love and illness, the urban and the rural, homosexual desire and familial tension.

Wunderlich faces the complexities of contemporary life through poems that are both tender and striving and that leave the reader with an image of the body as a door through which one can transcend the suffering of the world. Successful professor Nick Hoffman finds his secure, happy, college-town life changed forever after a nightmarish encounter with police.

But even when that horrible night is over, life doesn't return to normal. Someone is clearly out to destroy him. Nick and his partner Stefan Borowski face an escalating series of threats that lead to a brutal and stunning confrontation. A novel of suspense set in the academic world, Assault with a Deadly Lie probes the disturbing psychological impact of slander, harassment, stalking, police brutality, and the loss of personal safety. What will Nick do when his world threatens to collapse? How can he reestablish order in a suddenly chaotic life?

Assault with a Deadly Lie , the eighth installment of Lev Raphael's Nick Hoffman Mysteries, propels the series to a new level of danger and intrigue as Nick and Stefan are catapulted out of their tranquil existence by shocking accusations. Werther presents a sensational life narrative that begins with a privileged upper-class birth and a youthful realization of his difference from other boys.

He concludes with a decision to undergo castration. Along the way, he recounts intimate stories of adolescent sexual encounters with adult men and women, escapades as a reckless "fairie" who trolled Brooklyn and the Bowery in search of working-class Irish and Italian immigrants, and an immersion into the subculture of male "inverts. Tracing how this pioneering autobiography engages with conversations on immigration, gender, economics, metropolitan working-class culture, and the invention of homosexuality across class lines, this edition is ideal for courses on topics ranging from Victorian literature to modern American sexuality.

In Banning Queer Blood , Jeffrey Bennett frames blood donation as a performance of civic identity closely linked to the meaning of citizenship. However, with the advent of AIDS came the notion of blood donation as a potentially dangerous process. Bennett argues that the Food and Drug Administration, by employing images that specifically depict gay men as contagious, has categorized gay men as a menace to the nation.

The FDA's ban on blood donation by gay men remains in effect and serves to propagate the social misconceptions about gay men that circulate within both the straight and gay communities today. Bennett explores the role of scientific research cited by these banned-blood policies and its disquieting relationship to government agencies, including the FDA.

Bennett draws parallels between the FDA's position on homosexuality and the historical precedents of discrimination by government agencies against racial minorities. The author concludes by describing the resistance posed by queer donors, who either lie in order to donate blood or protest discrimination at donation sites, and by calling for these prejudiced policies to be abolished.

Your Local Gay Chat Line Phone Numbers

For many foreign observers, Brazil still conjures up a collage of exotic images, ranging from the camp antics of Carmen Miranda to the bronzed girl or boy from Ipanema moving sensually over the white sands of Rio's beaches. Among these tropical fantasies is that of the uninhibited and licentious Brazilian homosexual, who expresses uncontrolled sexuality during wild Carnival festivities and is welcomed by a society that accepts fluid sexual identity.

However, in Beyond Carnival, the first sweeping cultural history of male homosexuality in Brazil, James Green shatters these exotic myths and replaces them with a complex picture of the social obstacles that confront Brazilian homosexuals. Ranging from the late nineteenth century to the rise of a politicized gay and lesbian rights movement in the s, Green's study focuses on male homosexual subcultures in Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo.

He uncovers the stories of men coping with arrests and street violence, dealing with family restrictions, and resisting both a hostile medical profession and moralizing influences of the Church.


Alibi V.29 No.36 • Sept 3-9, 2020


The unofficial map of the unofficial Albuquerque Trail.

Walking Through the Pandemic

150 miles across Albuquerque in the time of Corona

By Xanthe Miller

The high mesa stretch of Arizona Trail from the Utah border south to the rim of the Grand Canyon, an in-and-out hike of about 150 miles—that was the trip my partner and I had planned to celebrate our 25th anniversary, giving us weeks alone together backpacking in a beautiful place. As we prepared for the trip, however, the issuance of COVID-19 orders began: Stay at home, restrict all travel. Then came the closure of the AZT and Grand Canyon National Park.

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LA’s finest

Falling Apart

A brief glimpse at the new fall 2020 TV season

By Devin D. O’Leary

Given the current state of Hollywood is more or less identical to the current state of America (quarantined, wearing masks and trying its damnedest not to catch the ’Rona), it’s no surprise to see that the soon-to-debut fall TV season is looking a bit … curtailed. So what sort of new network entertainment awaits us in the last quarter of 2020? Let’s explore.

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Stream Time

By Devin D. O'Leary

Shows come and go on the popular streaming services.

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Week in Sloth

By Devin D. O’Leary

Highlights from around the dial. Except no one has dials anymore.

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Do not disappoint your mother

Voting Stories

Yoshimura‘s “Do Not Disappoint Your Mother”

By Clarke Condé

It was 1920 and thirty-five of the then-48 states had ratified the 19th Amendment. The question was now before an evenly split Tennessee state legislature, with members of the chamber showing their support for ratification by wearing yellow roses and those in opposition wearing red. Legislator Harry Burn, sporting a red rose, was inclined to vote against the measure, but his mother had written him earlier and urged his support.

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Man O’ War

Drinks Named After Animals

Considering the Man O’ War

By Clarke Condé

We all know what war is good for, but Bourbon is an entirely different subject. With the addition of Cointreau and sweet vermouth, this cocktail is a sunrise during a pandemic while a forest fire rages in a neighboring state.

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Community Looks for Answers In Death of Ken Reiss

A murky timeline, strange actions and a video add up to confusion with friends

By Dan Pennington and Carolyn Carlson

When a community faces the loss of someone who was well-loved, it’s palpable. The moments and memories they shared with those around them become something held by one less person, with more untold and lost forever. On the morning of Tuesday, Aug. 11 citizens of Albuquerque woke up to the news of just that. Ken Reiss, a local bartender at Carraro's & Joe's Place in the University area, was shot and killed by officers from the Albuquerque Police Department.

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Crime Scene Do Not Cross

Kat Wilcox / Pexels License

Officer Involved Shootings Are Nothing New

Interview with civil rights attorney Rachel Higgins

By Carolyn Carlson

Dozens of officer involved shootings took place from 2000 to 2014, and the subsequent public outcry brought the DoJ into the city’s police department to oversee reform measures. Ken Reiss’ death on Aug. 11 was the sixth APD officer-involved shooting this year. Weekly Alibi sat down for a conversation with Rachel Higgins, attorney for the Reiss family.

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Amy Biehl cafeteria

It Is What It Is

Teachers just say no to unsafe school openings

By Gwynne Ann Unruh

Unions that represent over three million teachers in every state in the nation are calling for safety strikes as a last resort if school reopening plans don't meet the demands for keeping educators healthy and safe during the coronavirus pandemic. Teachers just say no to unsafe school openings

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13 Election Myths

Maggie Toulouse Oliver

Secretary of State Maggie Toulouse Oliver debunks them all

By Clarke Condé

At the Weekly Alibi, we’ve heard our fair share of fake news about voting in the election, so we went to the source for accurate information about what is actually happening here, New Mexico’s Secretary of State Maggie Toulouse Oliver

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The News Monkey

By Joshua Lee

A newly appointed civil rights commission held its first meeting to discuss reforming provisions that protect New Mexico police officers from lawsuits against misconduct; Gov. Lujan Grisham said she might be willing to open up more of the state’s economy soon; PED Secretary says the department is having trouble meeting the needs of some students during the pandemic.

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On brink of closure, Albuquerque’s Weekly Alibi gets new owner

Iconic local newspaper gets new life to continue nearly 30-year legacy

Albuquerque’s weekly alternative newspaper is getting a fresh new face. After operating under NuCity Publications for 28 years, Weekly Alibi will now be published under new ownership, Good Trouble LLLP, a partnership of Pat Davis and Abby Lewis.

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Odds & Ends

Odds and Ends

By Joshua Lee

It's funny because chocolate snow happens to someone else.

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News on the Green

By Joshua Lee

Two African elephants housed at the Warsaw Zoo in Poland will be receiving CBD to treat stress; a recent study found that lifetime cannabis use among teenagers has declined in states where the drug is legal in some capacity.

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Searching for Love in all the “Write” Places: Exploring Internet Personals Use by Sexual Orientation, Gender, and Age

Int J Sex Health. Author manuscript; available in PMC 2010 May 24.

Published in final edited form as:

PMCID: PMC2874906


PMID: 20502618

Janet Lever, Ph.D., Christian Grov, Ph.D., MPH, Tracy Royce, and Brian Joseph Gillespie, M.A.

Janet Lever

California State University, Los Angeles

Find articles by Janet Lever

Christian Grov

Center for HIV/AIDS Educational Studies and Training (CHEST), The National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. (NDRI), and the Medical and Health Research Association of New York City, Inc. (MHRA)

Find articles by Christian Grov

Tracy Royce

University of California, Santa Barbara

Find articles by Tracy Royce

See other articles in PMC that cite the published article.


Few researchers of Internet sexual exploration have systematically compared variance of use across sexual orientations, with even fewer surveying bisexual respondents. In 2004, 15,246 individuals responded to an online survey of their use of Internet personals and adult websites. Gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals (GLBs) were more likely than heterosexuals to have exchanged correspondence, met others offline, and had sex with someone they met through personal ads. Whereas gay men and lesbians of all ages were most likely to have established a long-term relationship as a result of personals, heterosexuals over age 40 were more likely to have established a long-term relationship than younger heterosexuals. Further, compared to men, women were approximately two times as likely to have established a serious relationship as a result of personals. Qualitative findings suggest that the Internet functions not only as a means of screening for desired characteristics, but also as a shield against prejudice in real life encounters. GLBs and heterosexuals alike used online venues as a means of sexual identity development, sexual exploration, and community building.

Keywords: Internet, online dating, gender, personals, age, gay, lesbian, bisexual


The widespread use of Internet personals sites as a means to meet new people for sex, dating, and/or match-making has radically changed the pace of getting together; participants can potentially screen and meet dozens of prospective dates within a short period of time (Houran & Lange, 2004). Due to the ease and safety of online communication, stages of intimacy are often reversed, as self-revelations through repeated written exchanges typically precede telephone communication and meeting “in real life” (Hardey, 2002; Ben-Ze’ev, 2004). While physical attraction, as assessed by posted photos and written descriptions of appearance, remains a powerful selection criterion (Hitsch, Hortacsu, & Ariely, 2006), this virtual medium--which provides ample space to specify information about one’s interests and habits--allows profile posters many ways to distinguish themselves and attract attention (Gibbs, Ellison, & Heino, 2006).

In spite of these profound changes, the two primary principles of partner selection, propinquity and homogamy, remain intact (Starbuck, 2006). Propinquity (finding partners nearby—i.e., seeking “geographically desirable” dates) is literally built into the software for Internet personals sites. For example, users may choose to limit their dating search to people who live 5–25 miles away if they are in cities, or up to 250 miles if they are in more rural areas. The Internet thereby allows users to electronically apply the principle of propinquity to filter the huge, nationwide pool of eligible partners.

Homogamy (seeking partners who share one’s characteristics, such as the same religion, ethnicity, or educational background (Starbuck, 2006), is well served by Internet sites that solicit information on all these social variables, as well as other crucial demographic characteristics, such as age, sexual orientation, and whether one has (or wants) children. Specialized personals services have proliferated to cater to users’ interests in homogamy. Examples of sites screening for religion include J-date (for Jews), DharmaDate (for Buddhists), (for Muslims), and Catholic Mingle; sites centered on race include EbonyFriends (for African Americans) and AsianSingles; and sites for older Americans include Dating For Seniors. But match sites and chat rooms can be centered around any unifying identity or interest that is a criterion for date/mate selection, as illustrated by (for vegetarians), Disabled, and

Sexual Orientation and Internet Use

Because personals sites promise privacy and discretion, members of groups who have traditionally been marginalized or stigmatized, such as gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals (GLBs), may benefit most from personals sites, which allow them to seek friendship, romance, and life partners while minimizing their efforts and exposure to overt social scrutiny (Chiasson, Parsons, Tesoriero, Carballo-Dieguez, Hirshfield, & Remien, 2006; Ross & Kauth, 2002). Gay men, lesbians, and bisexual men and women can visit numerous personals sites like,,, and BiFinders, as well as chat rooms designed for GLBs (Ross, 2005). Such sites may be particularly important to men who have sex with men and GLBs who live in sparsely populated regions. For example, rural men who have sex with men use the Internet to bridge physical distance and find each other (Horvath, Bowen, & Williams, 2006).

Internet use in general, especially on social networking sites like MySpace, appears to be more prevalent among gay, lesbian, and bisexual populations than amongst heterosexuals (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999; Cooper, Delmonico & Burg, 2000). Some researchers have suggested that gay and bisexual men utilize the Internet as a tool to explore their sexual identity, especially during early stages of the “coming out” process (Ross & Kauth, 2002; Haworth Features Submission, 2005). One small-scale study showed how queer Australian youth, both male and female, used the Internet as a place to practice coming out in conjunction with seeking friendship and community (Hillier & Harrison, 2007). However, to date there is little empirical research investigating the role of the Internet for exploration of one’s sexual identity, and it is unclear how heterosexuals may use the Internet as a means to test and expand their sexual boundaries.

Although there is a growing body of literature investigating gay and bisexual men’s use of the Internet, much of this research has focused specifically on sexual risk behaviors, including use of the Internet to locate casual or anonymous sex partners, and often contrasting the type of sex acts engaged in with partners met online versus those who are met in physical locations (Chiasson et al., 2006; Bolding, Davis, Hart, Sherr, & Elford, 2006; Grov, DeBusk, Bimbi, Golub, Nanin, & Parsons, 2007). Unfortunately, there is little research investigating gay and bisexual men’s use of the Internet as a tool to navigate their sexuality and find intimacy, including dating and romantic partner-seeking. Similarly, few studies explore lesbians’ and bisexual women’s use of the Internet for sexual and romantic purposes. Further, little research has systematically examined sexual orientation differences in Internet use, especially comparing heterosexuals’ and homosexuals’ use of online venues to find partners for long-term relationships, as well as for casual sex.

Age, Gender, and Other Factors

Older women constitute another social category that might particularly benefit from the new technology. Relative to men, older women (e.g., > 40) are disadvantaged in the off-line (i.e. real world) courting market, and have greater difficulty than men in finding mates through their social networks (Mahay & Laumann, 2004). Yet it may be that ageism is alive online, too, insofar as it has been found that men (both gay and straight) are more likely than women to express age preferences in personals ads (Kaufman & Phua, 2003). Nevertheless, older women, who are overrepresented in online personals (Jagger, 2005), perhaps for lack of better alternatives, have embraced the Internet as a virtual place to meet dates and mates.

Finally, the anonymity of Internet meetings renders its sites ideal for individuals and groups whose sexual interests may require discretion or secrecy. One recent study explored how heterosexual married men wishing to circumvent the strictures of marriage utilize online venues to meet women for extramarital sex (Dew, Brubaker, & Hays, 2006). People whose sexual tastes run counter to traditionalist norms may find that the Internet connects them with their preferred sexual communities while shielding them from social scrutiny in their professional and friendship networks. For example, the Internet serves as a site of identity work and community for people who practice polyamory (Ritchie & Barker, 2006).

Current Focus

Using an exploratory and descriptive approach, this analysis will compare use patterns and indicators of success in sexual and romantic partnering between gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual visitors of personals sites. Insofar as the anonymity of the Internet creates a more secure place to explore and disclose all types of sexual interests, we also explore the attraction of virtual courtship for those with non-traditional sexual interests. Given that aging is a disadvantage in conventional dating markets, especially for women who are less successful than male counterparts at meeting new partners at work, church and other “embedded institutions” (Mahay & Laumann, 2004), we also explore how older versus younger members of each sexual orientation group fare using Internet dating sites. We expect to find that those with fewer alternatives in the physical world will be disproportionately drawn to the virtual world’s personals sites and more successful at finding not just dates but mates online. We draw on both quantitative and qualitative data for these analyses.


Participants and Procedures

Data from this project were procured from Elle magazine based on its 2004 ELLE/ “Cyber-Sex and Romance Survey,” a survey about the use of Internet personals and adult (i.e., sex-related) websites. During a two-week period in mid-February 2004, both and hosted this survey on their websites, though 98% of respondents came from web traffic. Visitors to each site were presented with a banner that took them to the survey. All participants were provided an opportunity to view the privacy agreement, and asked for their birth year; those under age 18 were dismissed as under-age to participate. About twice the number of participants clicked the banner as chose to complete the actual 31-item survey, which took between 10–15 minutes to complete, and for which participants were provided no incentive.

In total, 15,246 individuals completed the survey. To prevent individuals from responding to the survey multiple times, a computer program prevented multiple responses from any given computer. The nine items of the survey dealing with online personals took about five minutes to complete. Preliminary findings from the survey were reported in Elle magazine (Elle, 2004), and on and All findings reported in this analysis are based on secondary analysis of the anonymous data from this survey.


Participants were asked if they had logged on to any personals (i.e., match) websites. Those having ever logged on to a personals website were asked a series of follow-up questions including whether they had met dates and/or sex partners from personals sites and how their social lives changed as a result of online personals. Participants also indicated the number of people they met face-to-face from personals, and what they were “really seeking” from online sites. Because many personals sites allow users to browse personals without creating a profile themselves, participants were asked whether they had posted a profile, and if so, what experiences has resulted from posting.

Reported in “Quantitative Results” are the responses to these questions that were closed-ended; tables 2 and ​3, based on items with a “check all that apply” format, include the exact wording of both questions and their answer options. Data on demographic characteristics including age, sexual orientation, education (high school or less, some college or associate degree, college graduate, graduate degree), and relationship status were also collected. Data on race and ethnicity were not collected.

Table 2

Responses to: “When you’ve used online personals sites, what were you really seeking?” a n (%)

HeterosexualGay/LesbianBisexualχ2 (2)p
 Just browsing/curious3190 (56.1)171 (56.6)164 (50.8)3.60.17
 To test my sex appeal1020 (17.9)81 (26.8)77 (23.8)21.0< .001
 Flirtatious chat (I didn’t really want to meet anyone)878 (15.4)73 (24.2)51 (15.8)16.4< .001
 Sexual chat1111 (19.5)102 (33.8)108 (33.4)67.4< .001
 Dating for fun1443 (25.4)113 (37.4)66 (20.4)26.7< .001
 Someone for a serious relationship1759 (30.9)146 (48.3)74 (22.9)51.7< .001
 Someone for a discreet affair (I was in a committed relationship)1065 (18.7)43 (14.2)142 (44.0)128.8< .001
 New Friends996 (17.5)132 (43.7)76 (23.5)132.0< .001
 Just browsing/curious1092 (56.2)32 (51.6)127 (51.2)2.60.27
 To test my sex appeal273 (14.1)9 (14.5)55 (22.2)11.4< .01
 Flirtatious chat (I didn’t really want to meet anyone)320 (16.5)9 (14.5)68 (27.4)18.6< .001
 Sexual chat131 (6.7)8 (12.9)71 (28.6)125.5< .001
 Dating for fun535 (27.5)20 (32.3)81 (32.7)3.30.19
 Someone for a serious relationship801 (41.2)26 (41.9)71 (28.6)14.7< .001
 Someone for a discreet affair (I was in a committed relationship)94 (4.8)3 (4.8)48 (19.4)n/a--
 New Friends518 (26.7)34 (54.8)97 (39.1)37.6< .001

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Table 3

Responses to: “How has your social life changed as a result of visiting online personals sites?”an (%)

HeterosexualGay/LesbianBisexualχ2 (2)p
 I’ve dated more816 (20.3)81 (31.0)41 (15.7)21.3< .001
 I’ve had more sex910 (22.7)129 (49.4)108 (41.4)131.1< .001
 One or more matches led to a friendship774 (19.3)104 (39.8)54 (20.7)63.6< .001
 One or more matches led to a dating relationship (> 4 months)595 (14.8)59 (22.6)26 (10.0)17.2< .001
 I am now in committed relationship with someone met via personals405 (10.1)47 (18.0)18 (6.9)20.2< .001
 I married someone met through personals254 (6.3)7 (2.7)17 (6.5)5.70.06
 It hasn’t changed2199 (54.7)73 (28.0)118 (45.2)76.6< .001
 I’ve dated more373 (26.1)9 (17.0)49 (23.7)2.70.26
 I’ve had more sex233 (16.3)14 (26.4)63 (30.4)26.3< .001
 One or more matches led to a friendship345 (24.2)16 (30.2)70 (33.8)9.5< .001
 One or more matches led to a dating relationship (> 4 months)260 (18.2)15 (28.3)41 (19.8)3.60.17
 I am now in committed relationship with someone met via personals263 (18.4)18 (34.0)27 (13.0)12.6< .001
 I married someone met through personals145 (10.2)2 (3.8)18 (8.7)2.70.26
 It hasn’t changed561 (39.3)18 (34.0)75 (36.2)1.30.53

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In “Qualitative Results” we report on relevant narrative data that were volunteered by participants in an open-response section at the end of the survey. A total of 2,125 participants provided qualitative responses to an open-ended question inviting all respondents to elaborate on their previous answers by providing details about their positive and negative experiences with online personals and Internet sexuality.

Analytic plan

Where appropriate, non-parametric statistical χ2 tests were utilized to test for differences across gender and sexual orientation. Further, a two-step logistic regression was conducted to predict the likelihood of participants having established a “serious” relationship as a result of online personals (operationalized as either having [1] dated a partner from the Internet > 4 months, [2] established a committed relationship, and/or [3] got married1.

Finally, to complement the quantitative analyses, the 2,125 qualitative responses provided by participants were systematically analyzed for coherent themes using the principals of grounded theory and the “constant comparative method” (Glaser and Strauss, 1967). Responses were first organized by the two primary independent variables, gender and sexual orientation, resulting in the formation of the following groups: heterosexual women, heterosexual men, lesbian women, gay men, bisexual women, and bisexual men. For more efficient coding ATLAS.ti qualitative analysis software was used to review responses for coherent themes within each group. Group themes were then compared across gender clusters for heterosexuals, and separately for lesbian, gay, and bisexual respondents, and then themes were examined for discrepancies and commonalities between heterosexuals and homosexuals. A third independent variable, age, was also considered.


Quantitative results

A majority of the 15,246 individuals who completed the survey (56.2%, n = 8566) indicated they had logged on to at least one personals website (see Table 1). Since quantitative questions on their use of personals sites were nested among those having previously logged into a personals website, the remainder of this analysis is focused specifically on those having logged into Internet personals (n = 8566). Heterosexual men (66.4%, n = 5689) comprised the largest portion of the sample (Mage = 38.1, SD = 10.6, Range = 19 – 94), followed by heterosexual women (22.7%, n = 1942, Mage = 35.8, SD = 10.7, Range = 19 – 94). As would be expected for the survey recruitment methodology, GLBs comprised smaller portions of the sample, though adequate for statistical analyses (Bisexual men = 3.8%, n = 323, Mage = 39.3, SD = 11.5, Range = 19 – 94; Gay men = 3.5%, n = 302, Mage = 34.9, SD = 9.5, Range = 19 – 63; Bisexual women = 2.9%, n = 248, Mage = 32.4, SD = 10.5, Range = 19 – 94; Lesbians = 0.7%, n = 62, Mage = 37.1, SD = 11.7, Range = 19 – 94). Most participants were fairly well educated, with many having completed some college (n = 2957, 34.5%) or an undergraduate degree (n = 3334, 38.9%); the remainder had completed postgraduate work (n = 1799, 21.0%) or high school or less (n = 476, 5.6%).

Table 1

Gender and sexual orientation differences in posting an Internet profile,a n (%)

Posted Profile w/PhotoPosted Profile w/o PhotoDid not post profileTotal
Heterosexual2366 (41.6)1651 (29.0)1672 (29.4)5689 (100)
Gay197 (65.2)64 (21.2)41 (13.6)302 (100)
Bisexual139 (43.0)122 (37.8)62 (19.2)323 (100)
Heterosexual868 (44.7)559 (28.8)515 (26.5)1942 (100)
Lesbian27 (43.5)26 (41.9)9 (14.5)62 (100)
Bisexual131 (52.8)76 (30.6)41 (16.5)248 (100)

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Among those who ever visited a personals website (n = 8566), most (72.7%, n = 6226) indicated having created a profile. Although some individuals reported having logged on to personals sites without creating a profile (n = 2340), they were asked the same series of follow-up questions about their use of online personals. Notably, compared to heterosexual men and women, GLBs were overall more likely to have actually posted a profile (see Table 1). Further, among men who posted a profile, gay men were the most likely to do so with a photo (χ2 [2] = 32.5, p < .001), whereas bisexual men were the least likely to post a photo. Among women who posted a profile, there were no sexual orientation differences in whether photos were posted in profiles (χ2 [2] = 2.70, p = .26).

What participants sought

Those participants having logged on to personals sites (n = 8556) responded to questions about what they were “really seeking” from personals websites. Categories are provided in Table 2. As participants were able to check off more than one response, column totals exceed 100%. Among male respondents, gay and bisexual men were the most likely to select testing one’s sex appeal (χ2 [2] = 21.0, p < .001) and sexual chat (χ2 [2] = 67.4, p < .001) from the provided check-off options. Compared to other men, a larger portion of bisexual men endorsed that they were in relationships and seeking discreet affairs (χ2 [2] = 128.8 p < .001). Finally, compared to other men, a larger proportion of gay men indicated they were seeking serious relationships (χ2 [2] = 51.7, p < .001) and new friends (χ2 [2] = 132.0, p < .001).

Among women, a larger proportion of bisexual women endorsed that they were seeking to test their sex appeal (χ2 [2] = 11.4, p < .01), seeking flirtatious chat (χ2 [2] = 18.6, p < .001), and sexual chat (χ2 [2] = 125.5, p < .001), but a smaller portion indicated they were seeking someone for a serious relationship (χ2 [2] = 14.7, p < .001). Compared to other women, a larger proportion of lesbians indicated they were seeking new friends (χ2 [2] = 37.6, p < .001), but lesbians were no more likely than heterosexual women to say they were seeking a serious relationship (p > .05).

Finally, among women and men who went to personals sites but had not posted a profile, the goal for more than eight in ten was simply “browsing” rather than seeking contact that would result in real-life meetings.

How social lives changed as a result of online personals

Those participants who visited a personals website and created a profile (n = 6226) were provided a series of “check-off” options to indicate how their lives had changed; categories are provided in Table 3.

Compared to other men, a larger proportion of gay men indicated that online personals had resulted in more friends from the Internet (χ2 [2] = 63.6, p < .001), dating relationships that lasted longer than four months (χ2 [2] = 17.2, p < .001), and committed relationships (χ2 [2] = 20.2, p < .001). Gay men were also the least likely to have indicated that online personals resulted in “no change” (χ2 [2] = 76.6, p < .001). Compared to heterosexual men, larger proportions of both gay and bisexual men indicated that online personals resulted in more sex (χ2 [2] = 131.1, p < .001). Finally, compared to other men, bisexual men were the least likely to indicate that online personals had resulted in them dating more (χ2 [2] = 21.3, p < .001).

Compared to other women, a larger proportion of lesbian and bisexual women indicated that online personals had resulted in more sex (χ2 [2] = 26.3, p < .001) and matches leading to friendships (χ2 [2] = 9.5, p < .001). Further, compared to other women, a larger proportion of lesbians reported that online personals resulted in committed relationships (χ2 [2] = 12.6, p < .001). Among women, there were no sexual orientation differences in whether participants had dated more and/or gotten “married” (as defined by participants) as a result of personals sites.

“Success” in establishing a relationship

The next portion of analyses explores the ways that Internet personals facilitated the establishment of a serious relationship (operationally defined above, in “Analytic Plan”). Internet personals significantly facilitated the establishment of serious relationships among heterosexual women over age 40 (35.8% v. 26.8% χ2 [1] = 17.3, p < .001) and heterosexual men over age 40 (19.6% v. 15.9%, χ2 [1] = 13.4, p < .001). There was no relationship between age and having established a serious relationship as a result of Internet personals among GLBs (percents by sexual orientation are reported in Table 3; data on age not shown).

Finally, a two-step logistic regression was conducted to predict the likelihood of participants having established a serious relationship as a result of online personals. In the first step, age, gender, sexual orientation, and education were entered into the model. The second step took into consideration if participants had also indicated they were “seeking” a serious relationship, in essence, to control for “intent” (see Table 4). Net the effects of other variables, bisexuals were statistically similar to heterosexuals in their likelihood of having established a serious relationship as a result of online personals. In contrast, gays/lesbians were more likely than heterosexuals to have established a serious relationship as a result of personals. Compared to men, women were approximately two times as likely to have established a serious relationship (Exp. β = 2.15). Controlling for the effects of other variables, older individuals also had a greater likelihood of having established a serious relationship. Among those who indicated they were seeking a serious relationship, older individuals had nearly ten times the likelihood of actually having established one (Exp β = 9.85).

Table 4

Logistic regression: Establishing a serious relationship as a result of online personals, β (Exp β)

χ2246.1 ***1818.9 ***
Nagelkerke R20.040.30
Constant−2.61 (0.07) ***−3.54 (0.03) ***
Age0.02 (1.02) ***0.02 (1.02) ***
Female (1 = yes)0.77 (2.15) ***0.66 (1.93) ***
Bisexual (1 = yes)−0.13 (0.88)0.15 (1.16)
Gay/Lesbian (1 = yes)0.74 (2.10) ***0.55 (1.73) ***
Education0.11 (1.12) ***0.05 (1.05)
Seeking serious relationship (1 = yes)2.29 (9.85) ***

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Qualitative Results

In total, 2,125 participants responded to the open-ended question at the end of the survey. Of these, 781 participants said they had logged on to adult but not personals sites, so their narratives were eliminated, leaving 1,181 narratives from heterosexuals and 163 narratives from gay, lesbian, or bisexual respondents for our analysis. These remaining ones suggested that gay, lesbian, and bisexual participants did not use the Internet in ways that strongly diverged from heterosexual users. We found that the Internet not only provides users with a means of identifying available partners while shielding them from prejudices, but also provides a venue for virtual communities and sexual exploration. Using narratives from both homosexuals and heterosexuals for illustration, we briefly explore these three dominant themes. Because many respondents who used personals sites also visited chat rooms and were sometimes vague about where they met the partner they were describing, we draw on their virtual encounters more generally; we did not draw from the few narratives from respondents who clearly indicated they were referring only to persons met via adult sites..

Identifying Available Partners

For both heterosexuals and GLBs, the Internet provided a means of avoiding the pitfalls inherent in relying solely on local, real world venues to meet other people. A potential romantic partner who one meets in a public place may disclose his or her goals and preferences gradually over the course of multiple dates; users of online personals can avoid over-investing time and energy in pursuit of less-than-ideal matches. As this 26-year-old lesbian states, “Work keeps me very busy, making it difficult to meet another woman who is attractive and has similar interests. Online dating saves a wasted date and is a great screening tool.” By sifting through profiles, Internet users can quickly weed out otherwise attractive candidates who possess “deal-breaking” attributes (“I could screen out smokers or 12-steppers or men with kids”—36-year-old heterosexual woman). As this 50-year-old heterosexual man summarized: “Using online dating sites both widens the field of potential partners and shortens the process of meeting ‘qualified’ people.”

Heterosexuals, especially residents of smaller towns and cities, voiced complaints about the lack of local eligible singles, and used online personals as a means of augmenting their meager dating pool. These narratives illustrate: “In the area where I live, outside of bars, there are very few places to meet single women 40–55 years old, and it is nice to have a place to find women in this age group looking for a man” (52-year-old man); and “I attribute my ‘bad luck’ if you will, to the LOUSY pool of eligible bachelors from which to choose in Albuquerque, New Mexico” (42- year-old woman). Personal obstacles, such as shyness, or more structural ones, such as the ageist culture of many clubs and bars, can be circumvented electronically: “Dating co-workers isn’t always an attractive option and meeting people at clubs isn’t either (especially at my advanced years). If you are serious about meeting people for dating and have issues with shyness, on-line dating is difficult to beat!” (42-year-old male).

Like heterosexuals, GLBs extolled the virtues of the Internet for allowing them to circumvent the scrutiny of the “bar scene” and transcend geographical barriers, but the difficulties of meeting compatible partners in real life were complicated by the paucity of gay-affirmative venues and the cultural prevalence of homophobia. A 20-year-old lesbian stated: “The Internet has opened up a way for more gay people to meet that normally wouldn’t happen, except for ‘gay bars’, which most small towns don’t have. Usually it’s hard to meet people and ‘know’ they are gay, but the Internet makes it possible.” A 24-year-old gay man elaborated that the Internet provides him with a sense of safety: “For homosexuals if you are not into the gay bar scene, there really aren’t other options for meeting people in small town America. It’s not like we can just walk up to any attractive guy/girl and ask them out. That’s asking for trouble.” For lesbians and particularly gay men, inadvertently approaching a violently homophobic heterosexual can pose “trouble” in the form of verbal abuse, a beating, or worse.

Paradoxically, the social distance afforded by this electronic medium appears to both enhance and inhibit honest self-expression. For many, the anonymity of the Internet facilitates honest exchange and rapid self-disclosure (“I was completely honest in setting up my profile, then you instantly start interacting with people based on who you are, rather than what you look like—36-year-old heterosexual woman). However, other respondents complained about people who misrepresented themselves (“It seems that about 90% of the men I meet online have sent old pictures, lied about their dick size or lied about their body. I generally do this too”—29-year-old gay male; and “None of the men were as they claimed they were in person. The guy who said he might run my next marathon with me was 30 pounds overweight, and wheezed when we climbed one flight of stairs”—27-year-old heterosexual woman). Given that the Internet provides users with the ability to (re)construct themselves virtually, its use may pose more of a challenge for those who prioritize physical attraction and therefore value truth in advertising.

Finally, online venues served as a means of circumventing the strictures of marriage and securing extramarital partners while minimizing the risk of exposure: “After the sexual things I’ve seen online, I suddenly feel like I’ve missed out in life…I did cheat on my partner once with someone I met online, and it’s a battle within myself whether to cheat again, but something tells me that I will” (20-year-old heterosexual married female); “I met another woman interested in a same-sex, no strings relationship; it’s fun and a delicious secret from my husband” (47-year-old bisexual woman).

Opportunities to Join Supportive Communities

While the explicit purpose of Internet personals is to find a date or a mate, people often end up finding much more, in the form of friendship, as this 26-year-old lesbian states: “I’ve met honest people and made new friends.” A 34-year-old gay man agreed: “All of the men that I have met through my own ad or from responding to theirs have been among the finest people I’ve ever met through any means. And a few of the men I dated have evolved into friends.”

In addition to friendships, the Internet provides virtual community for people who might otherwise feel isolated due to their marginalized identities or niche sexual interests. Some felt that the Internet provided more than friends, but rather created real community: “Through my online activities, I have found a larger sense of belonging, where before, I felt I was alone in my thoughts and desires of sexual interest. I owe a lot to the Internet for providing a resource where others like myself can seek out each other and form a supportive community” (34-year-old gay man). Gays and lesbians are not the only ones finding community, as succinctly stated by this 40-year-old heterosexual woman, On-line ‘lifestyle’ communities have given us (a long-time married couple) the ability to tap into a world of usually very normal people who are also interested in exploring their sexuality. We view web-sites together, chat online together, and play together at couples clubs. It has enhanced our relationship in many positive ways, not all of them sexual.”

Sexual Identity Development and Sexual Exploration

Given that in our hetero-normative society, GLBs face difficulties ranging from invisibility to overt hostility, virtual venues appear to be a perfect place to test one’s developing sexual identity. This 27-year-old lesbian explains: “Exploring online gave me confidence to come out as a lesbian and provided me with a safe place to be sure of what made me happy.” Recollecting a difficult time in his youth, this 22-year-old gay man noted another practical advantage: “I used it as a way to gauge reactions from other gay teenage kids and hear their coming out stories to build up my courage to tell my real-life loved ones.”

In the absence of any visible bisexual community in the real world (Lever, Kanouse, Rogers, Carson & Hertz, 1999), the Internet may have the greatest importance to those exploring a bisexual identity. A 50-year-old bisexual man claimed, “Online experiences have made it easier for me to come out as a bisexual. It helped me realize that there are a lot of people in the same situation.” This 38-year-old married woman admitted to using Internet dating as one way of grappling with her changing understanding of her sexual identity: “I am struggling with my sexuality and trying to answer some questions for myself. I am very honest about this when I meet women online or in person.” Again, GLBs do not have a monopoly on using the Internet for sexual exploration, as this 39-year-old heterosexual man illustrates: “My wife and I have a loving, monogamous, consensual BDSM relationship. I find BDSM websites useful for finding information and advice from others with similar interests. It is also a great place to shop for ‘toys’, DVDs, fetish items, etc.”

And sexuality can be explored in tandem; early self-revelations, including those about sexual interests, can help people find mates who are truly compatible, as illustrated by this 31-year-old bisexual woman’s description of her early sex life with the fiancé she met online: “We had talked about anything and everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING!). I told him things I was sure I would not share in real life. As it turned out, we both had much better ideas of how to please each other when we did get together.” Clearly, the distance afforded by this electronic medium allows people the freedom to takes risks, test sexual boundaries, and reveal more than they might in real life, paradoxically providing them with an increased sense of intimacy and enhanced communication.


With the widespread expansion of Internet use across the United States, Internet-based dating via online personals has become an accepted medium by which numerous Americans meet new partners for sex, dating, and/or match-making. As a result, it has drastically changed the culture of dating and interpersonal communication for many. This may especially be the case for those individuals who feel sexually-marginalized by mainstream society (e.g., GLBs, heterosexual women over 40 years old). Although a wide variety of personals websites have been developed and are utilized every day by millions across the globe, there has been little empirical research evaluating gender and sexual orientation differences in--and outcomes from--Internet personals use. Addressing this limitation, qualitative and quantitative data from the 2004 ELLE/ “Cyber-Sex and Romance Survey” were utilized to evaluate the different ways in which people use Internet personals sites, with a particular focus on comparing and contrasting sexual orientation and gender.

The quantitative data from this analysis have indicated several findings worth highlighting. First, more than half of the participants indicated having previously visited an online personals website with nearly three-quarters of these individuals having created a profile on one or more sites. Furthermore, GLBs were more likely than heterosexuals to have created profiles. This finding mirrors those of previous researchers (Harris Interactive, 2007) and further supports the observation that GLBs continue to utilize the Internet as a resource to meet like-minded individuals (Chiasson et al., 2006).

Second, these data indicate, among men, gays and bisexuals were more likely than heterosexuals to have created their online profiles in an effort to test sex appeal, to seek discreet affairs (among bisexual men), and seek serious relationships (among gay men). Among women, bisexuals were most likely to endorse responses that clustered around exploring their sexuality (e.g., flirtatious chat, sexual chat, discreet affairs, and less likely to seek a serious relationship), while lesbians were most likely to be seeking new friends. Further, compared to heterosexuals, GLBs were more likely to indicate that online personals had resulted in increased “real life” encounters, often sex-related, but also resulting in friendships and committed relationships.

Although our data show that a significantly larger portion of bisexual men and women (compared to heterosexuals and gays/lesbians) were seeking discreet affairs online, we note that only a minority of bisexuals expressed this motive (44% of men and 19% of women). This finding needs to be couched in terms of the various ways the Internet has been used to explore different aspects of one’s sexuality (Cooper, 2002). The Internet has become an effective medium to circumvent sexual stigma and the hetero-normativity of most real-world venues, enabling users to encounter others with similar socio-sexual interests (Chiasson et al., 2006). Clearly, these findings have public health implications, as the Internet may be an effective medium to facilitate community and health service providers’ dispersion of health education/information, while also providing support to GLBs who are turning to the Internet to explore their sexual identity. Thus the Internet presents a unique opportunity to provide outreach and education to GLBs who might not otherwise be visible within “gay” communities, including bisexuals.

Third, age, gender, and sexual orientation all seem to play important roles in establishing “serious” relationships from online personals. Further, these were net the effects of other important variables (such as intent to establish a serious relationship). Older heterosexual women, and men, were particularly successful in this realm, which is notable and important given the relative lack of real world alternatives for older, heterosexual women to meet new partners (Mahay & Laumann, 2004). On the other hand, age did not play a significant role in establishing a long-term relationship among GLBs. This may be a result of so many GLBs (of all ages) using the Internet as means of finding partners in lieu of other venues. In essence, Internet personals are most attractive and most important to those who have fewer alternatives in the physical world for meeting potential dates and mates.

Qualitative data were used to elaborate themes that could only be tapped with a few short quantitative items, and were especially useful in illustrating that Internet personals are not just used to locate short-term sex partners. First, the Internet is particularly effective as a dating tool because it so easily matches partners on the basis of homogamous traits of interest. Second, the Internet provides not only an efficient filter for prospective dates/mates, but a shield from prejudice (e.g. homophobia, ageism, being labeled as “deviant” for having uncommon sexual interests). The same screening capabilities also appear to facilitate the formation of identity-based communities for support and/or mutual enjoyment, and are especially useful in bridging geographical and other barriers to connect members of marginalized and/or niche communities. Third, because this electronic medium provides some social distance and anonymity, it provides users with an increased sense of privacy and security as they explore many facets of identity, form relationships, and explore sexual behavior both virtually and in real life. By allowing people to find others like themselves, the Internet serves to demystify so-called “deviance,” thereby promoting opportunities for self-discovery and expansion of sexual boundaries.

Gay, straight, or bisexual—male or female—the Internet provides individuals with the opportunity to interact with others they’d be unlikely to meet otherwise. People use the Internet to expand their social networks of like-minded individuals based on a host of interests, and these data illustrate how similarities based on sexual orientation or sexual interests are no exception. Further, although the Internet is popularly portrayed as an unsafe alternative to meeting in real-life venues, GLBs, women, and other categories of users appear to benefit from the Internet’s ability to screen against physical threats and/or stigma.

Limitations as well as strengths of the study should be mentioned. To increase participation rates, the mass media survey was necessarily short and relied on single-item measures of key variables. Because our project was based on secondary analysis of the resulting data set, several of the items had less than ideal wording. This therefore limits the interpretations of the results. For example, participants were presented with broad questions (e.g., “has your social life changed as a result of visiting online personals sites?”) and presented with a range of closed-ended categories. Although participants were given an opportunity to provide more information in a qualitative format at the end of the survey, as more than two-thousand participants did, this survey formatting has clearly censored a complete range of possible responses. Further, because only a minority of participants volunteered to respond to the open-ended question at the end of the survey, their narratives may not be representative of the experiences of the larger sample.

Although our sample was large, it was not nationally representative, and the survey did not gather information on ethnicity. People with higher socioeconomic status tend to be somewhat overrepresented in Internet research, although recent Internet surveys tend to include participants from a broad range of backgrounds and geographic locations (Gosling, Vazire, Srivastava, & John, 2004). Further, differences between the demographics of Internet users and non-users have been diminishing over time as Internet usage becomes more ubiquitous, and the percentage of women, ethnic minorities, and older individuals using the Internet has increased (Pew Internet and American Life Project, 2005). Nonetheless, given that the population of interest consisted of users of Internet dating sites, concerns about demographic differences between Internet users and non-Internet users may be moot. The broad-based appeal of the site provided an unusually diverse sample, and an opportunity to compare men and women who differed substantially in age, as well as sexual orientation. An anonymous online sample may have attracted a wider range of closeted gay men and lesbian women compared to studies using face-to-face interviews or recruiting via publications, interest groups, or gay Internet sites serving GLBs.

A significant strength of this analysis was its ability to capture a diverse range of understudied GLBs, particularly bisexually-identified men and women. Researchers have often queried GLB individuals’ use of the Internet independently from heterosexuals, whereas these data allow direct comparison and contrast based on identical questions. Internet surveys are perceived as providing considerable protection for participants’ anonymity, and it has been shown that respondents are more willing to reveal sensitive and highly personal information on a computer than in face-to-face interviews, or even traditional pen-and-paper surveys (Cooper et al., 1999; Ross, 2005). Finally, this analysis took a mixed method approach whereby quantitative findings were mirrored and supported with qualitative insight, and vice versa. Such an approach provides an ideal opportunity for well-informed empirical analyses.

Deficiencies in this study yield reminders for future researchers. Respondents’ relationship status at the time of survey participation may be different from their relationship status while using Internet personals; for example, we don’t know whether male bisexual respondents were married when they visited match sites. This is a limitation that can be easily avoided with the addition of one simple question. Another example: although women are taking an active role in expanding their dating opportunities by posting profiles, we do not know to what extent women are more liberated from the traditional gender roles that persist in real-world dating, where men usually “make the first move” and initiate meeting. Recent research suggests that adolescent girls use cyberspace as a site of collective empowerment, where they practice rebellion against the gendered strictures of heterosexual relationships (Kelly, Pomerantz, & Currie, 2006). Future research on adult users of Internet personals sites should be sure to investigate whether the social distance conferred by the Internet frees women to initiate contact with similar or greater frequency than men do.

Further, the Internet, where potential daters have an opportunity to express preferences or disqualify candidates with undesirable traits, provides a helpful tallying tool for researchers interested in studying which social characteristics remain important screeners for homogamy in contemporary courtship. And while Internet dating sites filter prospective matches on the basis of proximity, it is also clear that the Internet is a means to overcome geographical barriers to dating. It’s likely that propinquity is more often transcended in chat room meetings where unanticipated real life partnerships sometimes develop, despite the participants’ original intention to remain anonymous.2 For match sites where getting together in real life is intended from the start, propinquity probably remains the rule, not the exception. Future researchers who study Internet-initiated relationships can ask specifically about physical distance at the time of first contact, as well as other details that will allow us to better understand how cyberspace has, or has not, changed the dating game.


We thank Elle magazine for access to the data from the Cyber-Sex and Romance Survey. For their assistance in survey construction, Janet Lever acknowledges Cynthia Cobaugh, Alex Postman, and Julie Albright, and also thanks Carol Edwards, who helped create the database. Tracy Royce and Brian Gillespie are grateful for support from the Departments of Sociology at UCSB and UCI, respectively. Christian Grov was supported as a postdoctoral fellow sponsored by MHRA and NDRI with funding from the National Institute on Drug Abuse (T32 DA07233). We would like to thank the anonymous reviewers for their constructive critiques.


1Many gay, lesbian, and bisexual participants indicated they had gotten married as a result of online personals. Though gay marriage is still not legally recognized throughout much of the U.S., we have chosen to include “gotten married” for both heterosexual and GLB participants throughout this analysis.

2For example, this was the case for a 36-year old heterosexual respondent who described a 2-year-long chat with a married woman he never intended to actually meet—ultimately both left their respective spouses and the woman moved 2,000 miles to marry him.

Contributor Information

Janet Lever, California State University, Los Angeles.

Christian Grov, Center for HIV/AIDS Educational Studies and Training (CHEST), The National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. (NDRI), and the Medical and Health Research Association of New York City, Inc. (MHRA)

Tracy Royce, University of California, Santa Barbara.

Brian Joseph Gillespie, University of California, Irvine.


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